Field Marshal
Elder Lister
So the other day I am chilling in the moonlight, at about 7.30pm, in my Ndeiya hacienda, WhiteKAP can in hand when this woman walks to a dark patch and proceeds to lift her skirts. As she squatted, I thought she was gonna pee.
I was wrong. She proceeded to defecate. I was like 30 meters away and she apparently had not seen me sitting in the wild flowers.
When she took too long squatting I knew what she was doing. I stealthily walked towards her. She noticed me about 10 metres away and stood up quickly. She put back her knickers without wiping her ass and made to run.
"Ukikimbia naambia hizi mbwa zikukule. Simama tuu hapo mama". She froze as Pred and Simba, my two shepherds, waited for instructions.
I looked at the woman. She was both terrified and embarrassed. I noticed she was about 40, those rural types.
She was very pressed, she explained, and apologized profusely as she offered to scoop her shit.
"It's okey mamie, but don't do it again. It's just wrong. Especially when it's a lady like you."
As I saw the relief in her eyes, I wondered how I would have behaved towards her 30, 40 years ago. A hyena does not pass a bone unturned.
Today I met the woman with her friend walking to the shops. She doesn't look too bad in the light, and it crossed my mind a good turn deserves another.
And I am sure she's since wiped her ass.
Moral of the story? If I hanged myself today would binge-drinking destroy my liver tomorrow? I am afraid of the possibility...
I was wrong. She proceeded to defecate. I was like 30 meters away and she apparently had not seen me sitting in the wild flowers.
When she took too long squatting I knew what she was doing. I stealthily walked towards her. She noticed me about 10 metres away and stood up quickly. She put back her knickers without wiping her ass and made to run.
"Ukikimbia naambia hizi mbwa zikukule. Simama tuu hapo mama". She froze as Pred and Simba, my two shepherds, waited for instructions.
I looked at the woman. She was both terrified and embarrassed. I noticed she was about 40, those rural types.
She was very pressed, she explained, and apologized profusely as she offered to scoop her shit.
"It's okey mamie, but don't do it again. It's just wrong. Especially when it's a lady like you."
As I saw the relief in her eyes, I wondered how I would have behaved towards her 30, 40 years ago. A hyena does not pass a bone unturned.
Today I met the woman with her friend walking to the shops. She doesn't look too bad in the light, and it crossed my mind a good turn deserves another.
And I am sure she's since wiped her ass.
Moral of the story? If I hanged myself today would binge-drinking destroy my liver tomorrow? I am afraid of the possibility...
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