Skampaka does it again

Meria

Elder Lister
anaokolea DeeCeeEye sana. @Pamba should request for his services too
A senior Police Officer sustained gunshot wounds last night, as he led a contigent of Police officers, in responding to a scene of crime in Isebania, Migori county.
The officers who were responding to the distressing wails and screams of victims under attack, came under a hail of bullets as they stormed Mairi Complex where the robbery had been staged. Unbeknownst to the officers, a five-man gang that was armed to the teeth with all manner of weapons had staged a robbery within the complex, maiming and robbing businessmen off their hard earned cash. A fierce shoot out then ensued pitting the officers against the robbers.
However, the assailants’ feeble fire was no match to the officers’ ferocious barrage of fire & like cornered rats, they scampered into different directions leaving traces of blood from their injuries. Sadly, the assailants had already inflicted head injuries to a shopkeeper namely Hassan Osman and his customer Mohammed Ismail using machetes. They were however rushed to BNM Hospital in Isebania by well wishers, where they are currently undergoing treatment.
The heroic officer of the night Inspector Daniel Karani Muriungi who led the onslaught & sustained gunshot wounds was also treated and discharged in fair condition. A contingent of officers drawn from Migori is on the trail of the suspects while Scenes of Crime Personnel are combing through the scene collecting samples to help in identifying the authors of the crime.
#FichuakwaDCI USIOGOPE! 0800722203.
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well done @It's Me Scumbag but theres room for improvement
 
OK guys, may be I am slow. What exactly is wrong with this narration? "A hail of bullets' is a frequently used term, for example, mpaka you can search the phrase on Gugu.

So, what is wrong?

Explain to me like I am a six-year old....................
 
OK guys, may be I am slow. What exactly is wrong with this narration? "A hail of bullets' is a frequently used term, for example, mpaka you can search the phrase on Gugu.

So, what is wrong?

Explain to me like I am a six-year old....................
ehe,we are waiting
 
thinking like a greek,
Muchori wa muchoro
very few D- would understand ferocious barrage

Hata unbeknownst ni moto sana. Pengine wangojee the term unaware to the officers.

Anyhow, if I were to award that composition out of 40,

Choice of words / huge words being thrown around = 20
Paragraphing and punctuation = 5
Mtiririko / Flow = 10

Wherefore I do agree that indeed there's room for improvement.

Kudos!
 
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